scootrose's Xanga

Retrogression, Baby

Fri, 25 May 2007 04:38:05 GMT

Getting sick in the summer sucks. Seriously. I woke up early on Tuesday – well before two – and was feeling good, ready to go to work, when I suddenly felt indescribably horrible. “Like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag” is a pretty corny phrase, but in my state that was all I could come up with to describe Tuesday and Wednesday. It’s not even the being sick that’s so problematic. Considering the complete disregard I show for my own personal health, safety, and overall wellbeing at all times, I’ve gotten pretty used to being stricken with sudden ailments. But not in the SUMMER. That’s just unfair.

The problem with being sick in summer is that it’s BORING. I couldn’t concentrate long enough to read, I felt way too crappy to leave the house, I felt like a lazy slob watching movies all day, and since I’d already slept for about ten hours the night before I couldn’t sleep. When you’re in school this stuff doesn’t matter – it’s scientifically proven that when a human being is supposed to be in class they are capable of sleeping over twenty hours in one day, and even if you’re not sleeping, just not being in class is such a thrill you don’t care what you’re doing. When it’s summer, you just get a nice, long, sunny day to reflect on how horrible you feel. If this had happened two weeks from now I could just go see Ocean’s 13 and put myself through such intense agony I would surely forget about my petty little ailment and focus on clawing out my eardrums. But no, I had to tough it out on my own. The point is, don’t get randomly sick during the summer. It sucks.

One honest benefit of being sick, however, has been that since I’m incapable of concentrating on grown-up pursuits like work, books, or staying on top of bill payments, I’ve been reading stuff online – namely a lot of stuff from Seanbaby, and I’ve remembered how patently hilarious he is. I used to try to emulate this stuff constantly, and while it lead to a lot of ill-advised (read: unfunny and formulaic) attempts at posting my own “zany and irreverent” observations online, I honestly think it made me a funnier person. I mean, it’s basically a legitimation of what I do constantly: insult, degrade, and mock that which I find stupid or in any way different from myself. So when I read his stuff which basically boils down to “be horribly abusive, then put in analogies, preferably dealing with actors from the 80s or video games,” it reminds me that being an (generally unwarranted) elitist ass can take two routes: I can be that douchebag who talks too loud in public places about the poor quality of the latest book he read to make sure that everyone knows how smart he is, or I can use my awesome powers of condescension to belittle others for my amusement and also tie it in with Shaq-Fu – the best Super Nintendo game ever. Pretty easy choice if you ask me. Plus, books are for losers.

Anyway, I used to be really into stuff like that, but then I went through this period where I spurned it for being “offensive” or “vulgar” or something (this was before I realized that only fat people and women complain about being offended) and thus turned my humor in a different direction. I’m fairly certain that this respite from Seanbaby and his ilk combined with the last couple years of college forcefully and vengefully defecating upon on my soul have together made me a significantly less-funny person. I kind of suck now. Of course some of you might be thinking, “Scott, quite griping – you’re still one of the funnier people I know.” That’s likely true. Everyone you know just sucks worse than me.

And to reassure those of you concerned that the caring, sensitive Scott you knew (I don’t think he ever existed either, but some might) is fleeing headlong into a realm of cruelty and debauchery, know that I’ve embellished a bit. There’s a lot more to this than just mocking homeless people and playing hilarious jokes on the handicapped – I’m just trying to say that I’m rediscovering an outlet where I think can begin to resurrect my ability to write and be somewhat humorous, in the best way I know how. So don’t worry about my powers being used exclusively for evil. I’ll contract out to other parties, too. Plus I’m as good-looking as ever, and that’s all that really matters.

- scoot

One more in a series of disappointments

Wed, 02 May 2007 04:54:02 GMT

It’s been a long time since I’ve written and I may well have forgotten how to be funny. That shouldn’t matter though because I’ve got a new drawing to post, and my life is still just so damn interesting you can’t help but read about it. I don’t really have time to write this, but I’ve pretty much decided to just ask for an incomplete in my Vikings class, so… whatever.

Thursday

I slept through much of my American West class. That’s not really surprising; it tends to happen. But I rolled out in plenty of time to get to Plants and People. It was a rainy day, which really isn’t a problem for me – rolling up my windows means I can play my Dr. Dre as loud as I want without passersby overhearing and calling me out on being a skinny white boy (you’d be surprised how much that happens). I pulled on to _____ Street, where I usually park*, and this jackass behind me decides to ride my bumper as close as possible in order to clearly signal his discontent at my unhurried pace as I hunted for a spot.

It’s taken me awhile to admit it, but I’m not a very good driver. And when people decide to tailgate I sometimes get antsy, especially before noon when I’m barely capable of dressing myself, let alone operating a motor vehicle. So I pull into the parking lane early and drive the remaining twenty yards to my parking place along the curb. In my mid-morning stupor I absently notice a girl walking along the sidewalk, but focus mainly on evading the nimrod behind me. Normally driving by pedestrians in the parking lane is not an issue, but as stated before, this was a rather damp day, and I only realized the consequences of my actions as I parked my car, grabbed my bag, and looked up to see the girl I had just passed giving me the finger and perhaps the most hate-filled glare I’ve ever received. The look of horror on my face as I realized I was the cause of the massive wet spot on her jeans was surely hilarious…though maybe not to her. I’ve been flipped off a lot, and I tend to deserve it, but this is probably the first time I’ve genuinely felt bad about it. I would have gotten out of the car and apologized, but I was afraid she’d kick my ass.

I got to class and endured our final lecture in a class the content and subject matter of which I’m not entirely sure of anymore, but I’m fairly certain it involves an attendance grade for lectures that add absolutely nothing to the reading, but give me a great chance to work on my cartoons as I vainly combat near-terminal boredom. My doodling in that course actually made a friend for me out of the girl who sat next to me. I never actually learned her name, but she was regularly entertained by my drawings and since I love attention – particularly when it involves complimenting me – I treasured our time together.

I was filling out the course evaluation form after the lecture, finally expressing my rage at the absurd difficulty of the midterm, when I notice her standing nearby looking like she was kind of waiting for something. (I’m always one of the last people filling out evaluations, possibly because I try to actually write something.) As I write, she steps up to me and says – and this is verbatim – “I just want to say that I find you very attractive,” then heads for the door.

I’m caught completely off-guard, my mind still occupied with pouring forth vitriol over test-anxiety, and in my confusion stammer out a response of, “uhhhhh… so do I?”

I kid you not. A girl randomly tells me she likes me and my response is to agree with her that I am, in fact, damn good looking. I have no idea where it came from or why I said it, I just know it’s freaking hilarious.

I had more to say, but this is long enough already and I promised my American West teacher that I’d turn in my paper tomorrow, when it will be only six days late. So it’s time to get back to my comparative analysis of Las Trampas and El Cerrito, New Mexico. It’s gripping.

Thursday’s best.

- scoot

* The name has been removed to keep readers at Mizzou from competing with me for parking places.

Edelweiss

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 03:40:18 GMT

Nationals

“Peaches of Atlanta, Georgia”

Departure: We will leave at 10:00am on Saturday June 14. We will depart from the front of the high school.

Return: We will return around 11:00pm on Saturday June 21.

Accommodations: We will be staying at the Days Inn in Downtown Atlanta. The number is 404-523-1144

Dress: You will need to have five days of dress clothes. At the airport you can have one carry on and 2 bags to check in. DO NOT FORGET TO TAKE YOUR ID, THEY WILL NOT LET YOU ON THE PLANE WITHOUT IT.

Food: You will receive $12 a day food money. We will also eat at a nice restaurant in which NFL will pay for $20 of your meal for each person.

Money: We will be seeing some of the local attractions so bring money to get into those things, and maybe a movie also.

Points to Ponder: This is the National tournament, but do not let it feel as if you are a fish out of water. Yes there will be thousands of competitors and hundreds of schools, but you will be asking yourself how some of these people qualified because they are so bad. Some will also be really good. Everyone has a chance to succeed if you work hard enough and try hard enough and work hard enough. Missouri has had National champions and Finalists and those are the same people you compete against every weekend, and sometimes even beat, so yes that can be you!!!!

how to take notes

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 07:02:50 GMT

Tuesday/Thursday

9:30 - Arts and Sciences 311
History 4430 - "The Great West in American History"

11:00 - Middlebush 206
Anthropology 3680 - "Plants and People in Native America"

there were rocks, and trees, and birds, and things

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 05:17:21 GMT

So I was reading Senator Sam Brownback’s website to assess his views on foreign policy and I read that Iran is likely to have nuclear weapons by 2005. After saying a quick prayer of thanks that that’s still far in the future, I realized it’s been a long time since a post.

Some of you may have, quite sensibly, questioned the justification for the fact that I have all but stopped posting this school year. By way of explanation I will simply say that I’ve been incredibly busy – reading, studying, attending class, and doing a lot of research both for school as well as for my own personal enrichment. And the result of this intensive academic experience is this realization:

“The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia,” is the most badass song ever. Seriously. It’s about a guy who finds out his wife has been sleeping with his best friend. He then gets his gun and heads to his friend’s house (presumably to kill him), but when he arrives, his friend is already lying dead on the floor. He then gets framed for the crime by a corrupt legal system. I won’t ruin the end for you, but the last verse is potentially the greatest set of words ever put to song.

And don’t waste your time with the crappy 70’s pop version by Vicki Lawrence mentioned in Reservoir Dogs. Man up and listen to Reba.

I’ve also discovered various other truths during my de facto sabbatical:

- Kevin and I are simply better than everyone else at debating U.S. hegemony, politics scenarios, and business confidence. Seriously, we debated this team from Northern Arizona (ranked #10 in the nation apparently), and they’re like, “We knew you would run heg, but we weren’t gonna run heg bad – we knew you’d have like 16 answers to it.” Keep in mind I’ve never seen these girls before, but our reputation as heg debaters is so salient they aren’t even willing to run a disadvantage to it. That is bad ass.

- Ice rules when it’s so thick on your hood that it is physically impossible for people to put parking tickets under your windshield wipers.

- Elves aren’t that cool. Yeah, I get the appeal – they’re mystical and noble and handsome archers of the forest, blah, blah, blah. Only you and 200 million other fantasy fans have ever thought of that. God forbid you would ever think a gnome was cool – they’re short and ugly! Apparently fantasy nerds and 12 year old girls have a lot more in common than they realized.

- Take your corndogs home with you for break. Your roommates cannot be trusted.

- “Dance with the Devil,” by Immortal Technique is the only rap song that literally depresses me. I’m not kidding. It’s an amazing song, but don’t listen to it if (serious) graphic violent content bothers you.

- Surrender, but don’t give yourself away. (On a related note: Mommy’s alright, Daddy’s alright.)

- As Jeremy puts it, “Lyin’ Eyes” is better than “Lipstick on Your Collar” because it’s “by the Eagles and not some sucky woman.”

- And finally: Life is not tried – it is merely survived – when you’re standing outside the fire.

And now a drawing for those with short attention spans:

- scoot

the closest i can come to being fox

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 09:58:08 GMT

or, "Hey DP, show him that sweet lung tat you got."

Is this a real post? No. Is it of vital importance that you actually take this quiz? Of course.

this is the closest i can come to being fox

Take my quiz!

Take This Quiz | See Scores | Make Own Quiz

I'll get back to the real deal before long.

still nothing much to say

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 07:17:40 GMT

skip to the bottom if you're only here for drawings and don't care about my words of love

the musical part

the personal part

i'm fairly busy this semester. i'm taking online courses at Drury to debate for them with my new partner Kevin. we have the potential to get pretty good i think, but it'll take some dedication. we do have the benefit of being coached by my roommate nick, who is without exaggeration the best debater in the nation (he gave up his last year of eligibility though).

the political part

meanwhile in the news, i continue to not understand people. according to this 25 nation survey, 83% of people think Iran is pursuing nuclear weapons. 72% are at least somewhat concerned by this prospect (which seems low, considering Iran's openly genocidal sentiments and funding of terrorism). and what does the world think should be done about this? 41% support doing something (either sanctions of military strikes), while fully 49% of the world opposes anything more aggressive than diplomacy. i just do not understand this. we've been negotiating with Iran for almost three years now. in this time they've rejected at least three incentives packages, denied offers by Russia and South Africa to supply them with non-weapons nuclear fuel, and failed to meet an official UN deadline to stop enriching Uranium this August 31. their nuclear program is a flagrant and obvious violation of international law and since it's been out in the open the government of Iran has threatened to wipe Israel off the map, denied the holocaust, suggested Israel should be moved to Alaska, bragged about continuing to enrich uranium while pretending to negotiate in good faith, openly called for terror attacks on the US, supplied bombs to kill British soldiers in Iraq, run terrorist training camps, and funded and supplied racist groups of mass-murder like Hamas and Hezb'allah. and what is the world response to what should be an overwhelmingly obvious threat?

it's time for more diplomacy. genius! it's like they've never even heard the term "appeasement".

meanwhile Hugo Chavez points at the world's biggest douchebag:

and now the art

so i posted my drawing of Dangerpus a while back and the responses were pretty good. Dan requested a full scan of the drawing showing through from the other side, which he speculated as possibly being, "a large cat with maybe a single buck-toothed fang lying on his back." it seemed only right that in filling that request i may as well fulfill drawing requests nobody's even thought to make yet. here they are:

"a large cat with maybe a single buck-toothed fang lying on his back"

you can see Dangerpus's mini-Uzi showing through above the ninja rhino's shoulder.

Dangerpus on Wheels!

These drawings are not conjoined. Dangerpus is not, in fact, riding a skateboard on top of an F-15 Eagle piloted by a Dangerpus from a smaller parallel universe. Though that would be cool.

Flight of the Valkyrie(s)

Apparently Dangerpus is one of many. And apparently they employ the infallible tactic of hanggliders and bombs.

Potentially Cooler than a Jesuit Fighting a Gorilla

i can't say i ever thought it would happen, but here it is. this is a comic book waiting to happen.

which part was your favorite?

scoot

Cause and effect

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 23:13:27 GMT

Coming this weekend: Dangerpus part II

I found this interesting:

"Three Palestinians, including a wanted militant, were killed Thursday when Israeli troops raided the West Bank town, Palestinian hospital officials said. Two unarmed Palestinians were killed in the exchange of fire, and 11 others were injured, the officials said."

How did that happen, you ask?

I wonder.

scoot

Mon Dieu!

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 23:28:20 GMT

So the UN deadline is past for Iran to stop their nuclear program and they haven't backed down. What will the world response be? All I know is Iran had better watch out - France is disappointed.

(This is the worst it's been since that time they were let-down.)

Real post to come soon. Until then, feast your eyes on THIS (click to make it big):

and if that doesn't give france some ideas about how to deal with Iran, i really don't know what else there is that i can do.

scoot

Deutsch ist meinen Geist toeten

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 06:29:14 GMT

Barring any unforeseen complications I will be debating for Drury University this year. Details to follow.

But my even my best debating couldn't compare to this:

here's the story

scoot